11-14-07

Sitting in class again. Ugh. So this new guy...James is the name. I am unofficially dating him right now. We have talked about it; but I am not going to till December 9, at least. I am not allowed to till December. My dad still said maybe; but I told James that I could in December. So, my dad better go with what he said I could do the first time or I am gonna be mad. I wrote James a note not too long ago; it was about how I felt about him and such. He didn't really say anything about it, which worried me. I asked him to go to the musical with me; he went. I see him every Tuesday night for about thiry minutes at the Boys&&Girls Club; our sisters play volleyball their. And, I see him all the time at school. We have talked a lot ever since the musical; at first we had a communication problems. But now we are getting better. Ha, ha.
My mom said my sister, Madde, is turning over a new leaf in life. Wow, I can't tell. I told my mom, well asked her what it was about what she was talking about. She said that she is trying to be better and lead her life to different paths; Her hormones have kicked in. Definitely! She is almost meaner. We used to be such good friends and I called her my best friend. Now, I would rather her not be by me. Her changes are not appearing, and it is bugging me. Why does she have to be soo mean? I try to help her out and give her some guidance and she doesn't even get close to treating me the same way. She doesn't act like she likes me or that we are even sisters.
My so called best friend, Amanda, has not been treating me right. Sometimes she does but then other times I feel like she is trying to ignore me. I want her to be my friend, and I want her close to me. I try to give the effort but then all I get in return is a smirk or something. She always talks about how I didn't like her when she first moved here. She was honestly a brat when she first moved here. Then at C.I.Y. we started opening up to each other. We had so much in common! I thought we would be like we were at C.I.Y. forever but it turns out that we cannot even do that for a whole year! Six months!
Here's the thing...last semester was "my time." I didn't need any new friends; I needed to get my life back together. I had some sadness thing going on and I totally wasn't myself. Amanda came and she tried to befriend me and came on to me way too hard. She was all about appearance, living for Jesus and herself. She just overly friendly when I met her; again, I didn't need new friends. I needed love, kindness, grace, and a little bit of mercy. I got all that from her at C.I.Y. From then on I was fine, my sad thing went away and everything turned better. My parents seem to care about me more and I was happy. I have been happy ever since. It is wierd now because since I have been with James, people tell me that I look happy! Do you know how GOOD that feels for someone to tell me I look happy??
I have not been this happy since about last year this time. I have not had a boyfriend since about this time last year. I have not felt this GOOD in over a year. And, now I think I am loosing it! I love unofficially dating James&&having Tiffany as my best friend now&&having my parents let me do what ever because they know I am responsible&&having the friends I do&&being this way!!! But I am MISSING something. There is something out there that I am not catching onto. I think it is Jesus. I think that I need to be closer to him. I think I need him more. I WANT him more! God, is supposed to be the center of my life and He hasn't been the last few weeks and now it is turning it on me. I am going to study my Bible more; pray to God; involve myself more in the youth group; be a REAL Christian again!