12-6-07

Almost a new year && a month since I last blogged. A lot has happened too; I was going to date this guy && now I have chosen not to because of reasons that are confusing. First off, I don't like him like a boyfriend type. I also don't want to date him && be fake about it. So, I am going to tell him that I don't want us to be together which sounds really rude && mean but it is for the better. Lately, my ex Kyle, who I haven't totally gotten over has been trying to reach me. He says that he has changed && still cares about me. I don't know bout that. I mean a year ago, he ignored me every chance he got. I of course still have feelings for him; I don't ever know if they will go away. He is so sweet && my dad totally doesn't like him, which is obviously really bad. I don't need to get back together with him but I feel the urge to just because I care about him still. We dated on && off last year && things didn't go very well with us after that. It seems to me that every time get close to be with another guy, he comes along. Stinks for me because I have to choose && someone will get hurt in the end. Kyle confuses me even more because he always changes his mind about who he likes && lately it has been a few girls. He told me he cared about me && then about this other girl at church. But now, we seem to talk about the daily struggles friends talk about. We don't argue like we used to && everything is okay, right? Wrong! This is when I fall into his little, I love you & I always want to be with you. But now its different because I never bring "us" up && he always makes a comment about it then we talk. I like him, Ill admit it; but I don't think I ever stopped. There is a lot of things to not like about that boy; but then there is so many that just make you say, "Ahh, I want him!!"